Trying out a new feature called “THIS IS WHY MARKETING IS BROKEN” each Wednesday.
The Groupon Kidz Club has the worst cast of characters ever, but none so terrible as E-M@le, the notorious rich kid of the bunch, who is “going viral in 2012.” If you thought “Wheels” (or whatever his name was from the Burger King Kids Club of the 1990’s) was bad, feast your eyes on the rest of this merry band of misfits; featuring a girl with glasses named “Glasses”, a kid who likes croissants aptly named “Roll” and a trashcan full of garbage that, get this, goes by “Pyles.” As if adding a ‘y’ makes it okay. I guess they’ve given up hope that kids under 12 can have deep love for characters that don’t insult their intelligence. I mean, who wants smart kids when you can love a SWARM OF BEES?
Well, I wish I could stay but I have to run. The mid-nineties called and they’re demanding Groupon give them back their pathetic attempt at illustrating what future gadgets will look like.